Shizukani
by whereismyymiind
Summary: Electronic diary entries in which a university student shares her worries and various stories in support of her theory that her dormmates are actually the embodiment of the Naruto characters. It all started with one traumatic event and the anxiety that followed, urging her to pursue the truth behind its unanswered mysteries.


I'm going to get bashed for this so hard.

Disclaimer: Do you seriously need a disclaimer for this piece of trash story? I mean, come on, this is my first attempt at writing in first person, which I probably completely suck at. And I won't even mention the questionable content of the plot. Still, I'll indulge you guys, just in case I get sued for this, I don't own Naruto, its characters or any canon plot points, all of which belong to Kishimoto Masashi and I guess Shueisha.

By the way, "shizukani" means either "quiet" as an adjective/adverb or "be quiet" as a plea or an order.

Now, I hope you enjoy what my brain barfed at three in the morning.

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**Electronic Diary**

**First Entry**

**The Incident**

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Dear e-diary,

My name shall remain anonymous, but I guess you can call me Shizuka.

...okay, I give up the jig, it's actually my real name, it's not like anyone else will read this anyway, so I might just as well let you have it. It's just that I read it might be good therapy to write down my thoughts when I'm anxious. So here it goes...

Okay, on a bit of a side note, I must confess first that this is the first time I'm writing a stupid thing like this, even if it's in an electronic diary. I feel seriously stupid about it, so to make this easier for me I'm gonna give you a name, let's say Lord Kira, just for a kick start of sorts, and I'm gonna treat you like a person whom I'm conversing with, although it would be rather one-sidedly. Okay, now that I've written this, it makes me look like I'm a bit out of it, but I swear it sounded funny in my head. But all things considered, I might as well be going insane, and I'm going to tell you why, Lord Kira.

Ugh, okay, it's not gonna be Lord Kira, I feel funny writing to a self-proclaimed psychopathic fictional god of the new world, so I'll just call you Shiromaru, because I just pulled this out of my ass and this blank page looks white enough to fit the name. Actually, maybe not Shiromaru, it's too fancy for some stupid e-diary, so it's gonna be just Maru-kun, which has nothing to do with being white.

So anyway, Maru-kun, I'll get straight to the point now.

I have reasons to believe that my university dorm in Tokyo is inhabited by the Naruto characters.

There, I said it. My dormmates are the characters of one of the most popular shounen franchise.

Okay, maybe not the actual Naruto characters, but rather people who weirdly resemble the Naruto characters. But one day I'll prove that they really are!

I, know, Maru-kun, I know it's ridiculous, that's what my friends said too, don't give me that blank computer screen look. And yes, I know I'm just a deranged otaku who spends half of her time closed in her dorm and trapping herself in the entertaining clutches of her laptop and her precious internet connection, which might as well be causing my brain function to deteriorate at the same pace as the uselessness of the sport-deprived muscles on my lanky unfeminine forms, but that's completely beside the point! And I swear it's nothing like that one time in middle school when my chuunibyou phase kicked in and I stalked this guy in the next class, thinking he could make people trip by looking them in the eye with his Trip Geass, just because people often tripped around him, and by people I mean mostly myself. I admit that back then that might have been my only way of disguising the fact that I may or may not have had a crush on the same guy, but I guess we'll never be too sure about that now would we.

I got sidetracked again! Back to the subject of my dorm being infested by anime characters!

Just to prove you wrong, Maru-kun, let me tell you about each and every one of them, starting with my roomie. Here I go!

So her name will stay anonymous, as well as the names of the others, so let's just call her Hina-chan.

I know I'm being obvious as hell about who she resembles, but just hear me out, okay, I swear there's a point to my suspicions!

Anyway, don't get me wrong, Hina-chan is the most perfect roomie ever – she keeps to herself, she's unimaginably nice, always calls me to check if I want something before she comes back from the convenience store, she's always clean and tidy, she's quiet, a bit too shy though, never bugs me and on top of that she's this huge breasted babe with the most perfect straight long hair! But I swear to the god of the new world, it's like she's completely oblivious to her womanly weapons and that innocence sometimes drives me crazy! You know, in a completely heterosexual friendly way.

You see, she's been in love with this half-Japanese blonde dumbass, who's probably even more oblivious than her, because she's liked him since sixth grade and he's never even had the slightest idea about it. That insufferable idiot! I mean, considering that even I would go a bit lesbian for her if she ever drops her towel and gets completely naked in the middle of the room and if I wasn't married in my head to a dozen of animated characters, so that guy's gotta be the most dimwitted man in the whole country! And when I say she's in love with him, I mean she goes all the way. Hina-chan's got this box under her bed that she thinks I know nothing of, full of pictures and trinkets having something to do with the blonde dumbass, she even has his second button from his middle school gakuran uniform that she got from the girl he gave it to, who actually doesn't like him back one bit anyway, so I guess it must have been okay with her. And the other obvious thing is the way she looks at that group photo on the wall over her desk, it's like he's the only person she sees in that photo, never mind the rest of the class. Another thing is her dizzy spells, I call 'em love spells. She sometimes comes back, or more like, she's brought back by two guys because she's fainted or she feels lightheaded because of something the blonde idiot accidentally did or blurted out and she blew it out of proportions in her head.

Oh yeah, Hina-chan's university group has these two other boys that she went to school with, I know that because they're on the class photo on her wall. Both of them – taller than me, live down the hall. One is some hunk that would be an actual hunk if he didn't always smell of dog. Apparently, he's really attached to his pet dog back home, more like too much, because now he feels the need to take care of strays which bear a resemblance to his dog. I have a tough time deciding whether that should be considered nice of him or borderline gross an unhygienic. I bet he might get kicked out of the dorms one day for hiding a deranged hound under his bed. I call this guy Kiba for obvious reasons. He's also whipped by his mom and older sister, has too many females in the family. And I get the feeling that even though he obviously doesn't crush on Hina-chan, he has the full realization of what a babe she is and hits on her often for laughs. Well, both of us do. I think if this continues I'm gonna fall in friends with that guy. Or you know, in lesbians.

The other guy is a complete creep. Not that I don't approve of the way he makes fun of people in their faces without them realizing it, because of his serious tone and expression and the complex language he uses when he talks, I admit that's pretty amusing and he gets points for that. But that dude has an ant farm on his desk! And a collection of live roaches and butterflies in jars and I don't want to know what else because every time that subject comes up I just bolt. I mean, which self-appreciating university student brings a live collection of bugs to the dorms! That officially and without a doubt makes him real life Shino, or, you know, bug boy, as we call him. The day I discover the rule against housing bugs in the dorms, I swear I'll get the supervisor to torch those rascals. But I guess I'm too lazy to try that, I don't particularly care what he has in his room as long as I don't have to go anywhere near it. Not that I would, it's kinda obvious that Kiba and Shino's bug, vermin and animal infested dorm room is bound to be a chick free anti-babe magnet for the rest of their young adult lives, those poor bastards. Oh, also Shino's got a thing against weather conditions and always wears this stupid jacked because he's always cold and those stupid shades because the sun is always shining in his eyes, though I guess those glasses are bit more douchy than original Shino's shades. And he even wears them indoors or at night time, everyone's always making fun of him for that. He's still a cool guy, with his sarcasm and the way his hair is always sticking up without hair gel.

Speaking of hair gel, there's something I'm really worried about which is the main reason I'm resorting to this kind of write-your-thoughts therapy. Remember Hina-chan's blonde idiot? Well, he's in the room next door which is a set up for really interesting rom com situations between the two, the details of which are for another time altogether. As you may have guessed, he's Naruto, but I'll get to him later. He has this roommate with which he's always getting into some ridiculous fight or booming argument. If we don't see them beat the shit out of eachother somewhere, we sure as well hear them through the walls. Hina-chan is always worried when that happens and it keeps her awake, me as well. But that's not the worrying part, we're kind of used to that, even a little fond of their friendly squabbles. Yes, they're actually quite good friends, even I don't know how that's a functional friendship but apparently they get it to work somehow. What worries me is this roomie he fights with. It's not that he's some huge guy with an arm as big as his head, on the contrary, it's the complete opposite – he's this lanky winded pale ghost of a guy, although he has the strength of the former. But that's not what's wrong about him.

Let me tell you about him, Maru-kun. This guy has the eyes of a killer, when he looks at you it's like he's already killed you five times over just for wasting five seconds of his time. Yeah, he's a top student, he's rumored to be some overachieving prodigy, he's from some big shot family, but that's not really an excuse for being an ambitious stuck up prick and treat people like ass. I'm seriously fed up with him. If it wasn't for Hina-chan to persuade me not to and for Naruto to do it for me, I would have gotten in more fights with this guy than I would have been able to survive. Everything about him pisses me off, from the way he gels the back of his hair up, to the stupid bangs in his face, the fact that he sometimes comes out of his room wearing something I might like or already have, after which I have to never wear it again, to the stupid music he plays in his room that I have to delete from my computer because he's ruined it for me. It's just that he's exactly the guy every girl would love, like they actually do, he's annoyingly popular, and yet he's the biggest dick of them all, it's like he's ruining the perfect image of the perfect alternative guy just by breathing. That, and he's never sorry for anything, like when he kicks our trash or plays guitar when we sleep, because it's like he himself never sleeps. And why does he have to have similar tastes as mine and still be such a prick?! That asshole! All of the above reasons are why I call him Dickhead, but I guess he falls into the description of none other than Sasuke.

Anyway, I got sidetracked again in my hate fest. So this is just how he makes me insane, but that's just something trivial, living in the dorms is never easy or lonely. It was actually a mystery how high class pretty boy over there got to live here in the first place and yesterday we got our answer in the form of a visitor. First we thought that Naruto might have done something again, because he's always getting drunk and into some kind of trouble about which I can tell you another time. As I was saying, this man with silky long hair and an expensive Armani suit came knocking on the door right next to ours. Well, the walls are pretty thin in the dorms, so me and Hina-chan first thought it was our door that someone was knocking on, which is why we peaked outside, as did most of the residents on the floor. The fancy suit guy knocked again and before he could do so a third time, the door was flung open and a very irritated Dickhead– I mean Sasuke stood there. The moment he saw the guy with the Armani suit he made a face none of us had seen before, which is saying something, since he's always glaring daggers at everyone wasting his time. This time it was like death had resided in his irises and if looks could kill, there would have been a full blown massacre in this dorm right that instant. The older, and dare I say hunkier, guy greeted him casually and just then did the rest of us see the uncanny resemblance between the two, although the pale spotless skin and perfect blackness of their hair might have given it away. Sasuke looked around the not exactly private corridor, angrily snapped at fancy suit guy for coming here and informed him that he wasn't picking up the phone for a reason, after which he stormed out by crashing into the older guy's shoulder along the way. Fancy suit man followed, giving a polite smile to all of us eavesdropping with heads peaking outside our doors and left after Sasuke, obviously to go somewhere else and have a more private talk.

That was seriously weird until Hinata explained to me that fancy suit guy was his older brother who had taken up the family business. Apparently, the rest of Sasuke's family had died in strange circumstances, which was another thing to add to my "reasons Dickhead is real life Sasuke" list, beside the part that I had just found real life Itachi. Another thing I found out was that Hina-chan knew this stuff in such detail only because she was also a daughter of a rather well-off family and it was general knowledge in their social circle. I was seriously surprised that Hina-chan was somewhat of a rich kid and yet I wasn't, I had already started thinking she was really Hinata, which I checked by asking her if she had an overprotective older cousin. Surprise, surprise, she does! This just nails my theory! Anyway, she didn't want me to make much of her family's position in society, explaining that she wanted to be in the dorms so she could be with all her friends, although I can surely bet it was all to be near her Naruto.

Speaking of the blonde idiot, I may diss him a lot but it's all just for fun, he's lately become my drinking buddy along with four other dudes from Hina-chan's former school. So when mister grumpy pants his roommate came back and took his anger over his brother on me and Hina-chan's trash outside our door, just because he's told me a thousand times to throw it away instead of leaving it out in the open, that strict prissy princess, I got mad, very mad. He had no right to mess with me and Hina-chan no matter his excuses! Good thing Naruto stopped me before I stormed inside their room though. He was on his way back from classes and saw me about to trash their door. I explained to him what had happened and he just dragged me to the usual bar, saying something about how it would be a good idea to stay away from Dickhead for a while.

By no surprise, we found the usual gang there so we drank. I complained, he complained, the other guys made fun of us, we laughed and acted like complete retards, but as it always happened we got piss drunk, Naruto the most of all, and we had to get him back to his room. There was a problem though. He was refusing to go back there, drunkenly repeating how when his roomate was in his current grim gloomy state, the room was off limits, whatever that meant. Dickhead and Naruto were always fighting, it didn't seem any different to me but the others seemed to agree with what the blonde was saying and Kiba decided to bring him back to his and Shino's room instead, that unlucky blonde bastard, may he rest in rodent infested peace.

So that's why I remember I went down the corridor alone after saying goodbye to the others and wrestled with the door in my drunken state, trying very hard to stay quiet so I wouldn't wake Hina-chan. The room was empty and she was obviously in the bathroom showering because I could hear water running but it didn't make sense why everything was dark, probably a light went out, but I was too drunk and lazy to do anything about it and I was going straight to sleep anyway, didn't need the lights. So I just took off my pants, too tired to put on pajamas, and dropped myself like that face first onto the bed on the right, where was my bed, getting ready to doze off so I could regret getting drunk in the morning when the pain and regret came and I would have to think about how to sober up for classes.

Before I did however, a strangled noise woke me from the bathroom and my eyes shot open, sharply inhaling a foreign smell from the strangely too soft pillow I lay on that had nothing in common with the scent of sleep laced with cheap shampoo which would usually lull me to sleep. Scratch that – this bed had two soft pillows. And what my drunken nose was picking up was something that was either toothpaste or something else smelling like fresh greenery, suspiciously reminding me of the meddlesome way our floor smelt every time after Dickhead gelled up the back of his emo hair every morning. Fearing the worst, my drunken head shot up from the unusually soft bed, only to regret the sudden movement afterwards and drop back down, groaning. I heard some noise from the bathroom again and, I cannot stress enough that I was drunk as hell, I thought there was something wrong with my roomie in there, maybe she passed out or slipped and banged her head. It wasn't like I had this secret totally heterosexual desire to see the innocent busty girl naked, I was honestly genuinely concerned for her huge breasted wellbeing.

So I got up with a bit of a stagger and while squinting trough the darkness of the dorm room I clumsily made my way to the bathroom door and opened it, in my t-shirt and underpants, to see if Hina-chan was okay. What I saw though made me sober up faster than anything ever had even in my bestest mornings. There was blood, a lot of it and it came down the arms of the fabled Dickhead who was in a seriously fucked up state sprawled over the bathroom floor with his head absently leaning on the wall, an empty expression on his face as the freezing shower soaked his dark clothes and previously gelled hair, washing away the blood still trickling from the sliced up skin on the inside of his arms, letting it spill across the tiles and go all the way down the drain. Okay, it might not have been that much blood and the cuts didn't seem to be that deep, but the horrific scene and the sickeningly metallic smell was shocking enough to send me into an outright state of panic.

Without a single thought on my absence of pants, I threw myself down next to the pathetic soaking wet form of the guy I supposedly detested and started slapping the side of his face roughly, checking if he had passed out from the blood loss, getting myself wet in the process as well. When he groaned and shied his head away from me, he tried to keep his eyes open and it seemed he was too lightheaded to be able to bring himself to make any other movement, but at least he seemed to be conscious. Thinking fast and scared shitless, I stopped the shower of water over our heads and whipped my head around in search of something to stop his bleeding. Ignoring the sight of the bloodied razor abandoned on the floor, I spotted some towels on a hanger and used them to press at the cuts in attempt to stop the bleeding. Then I realized that I had absolutely no idea how to further handle the situation and tried to think, getting the brilliant idea that every normal person would be calling the hospital by now.

Bolting from the bathroom in search of the pants I had thrown on the floor, I fished out my phone and haphazardly dialed the number. The medics had to try to calm me down so I could manage to answer some standard questions as my voice and hands trembled furiously. They told me an ambulance was on its way and explained to me the right way I could give first aid until help would arrive, commending me on my quick reaction to press the towels against his wrists. I hurried back to the bathroom and did my best to follow the nurse's instructions to carefully lay his head down and elevate his knees, propping them against the wall instead so I could reduce the chances of fainting and increase blood flow to the brain. He moaned and groaned and shook his head slowly from time to time, obviously trying to clear his head of all the haziness he might have been feeling. When I continued to apply pressure with shaky hands to his open wounds with the towels while I tried to hold his wrists in the air, I could swear he looked at me once or twice, even in his condition he could probably comprehend I was there, because he tried very hard to say something, but it all came out jumbled and the only thing he managed to do was reopen his cuts from all the movement. Though I did catch something about killing me if I told anyone about this, with which I had no objections. There was no way I would openly admit breathing the same air as this guy for more than five minutes flat in any other non-life-threatening situation, so stories about being in the same bathroom with the guy while I was in my t-shirt and underpants were out of the question.

Paramedics came and we were soon at the hospital, where I waited outside the emergency for any news about the suiciding bastard. My mind was so empty from all the stress and adrenaline that the only thing I felt was my heartbeat banging in my ears and the feeling of relief that I had the sense to put on my pants before they drove us there. I was also a bit glad that they weren't soaked in blood, but I didn't really want to think back to the fact that I may have undressed and flung myself in that asshole's bed, not to mention that I had knelt beside him in just my t-shirt and underpants. I just choked it up to being drunk and in an emergency situation.

A doctor came looking for me, bombarding me with questions about my relation to real life Sasuke who had slit his wrists, like if I was a girlfriend or a sibling of the sort, doctors sure were rude sometimes. After establishing that I'm something of a neighbor and not so much of a friend, I guess he took what he could get, he informed me that Dickhead's registered guardian for these situations wasn't picking up any of the hospital's calls. I thought back to Itachi, the fancy suit guy. Guess he was not that much of a big brother as expected, he had what was left of their parent's company to run after all, who had time for his younger brother in the hospital. Anyway, the doctor asked me if I would be taking Sasuke back myself after his blood transfusion or if I would be calling someone else in my stead. Naturally, I volunteered myself, thinking about how nobody we both knew should ever find out about this whole pantsless girl and the wrist-cutter fiasco. The man proceeded to give me instructions on what to do after he was checked out, one of which caught my attention. Apparently, this wasn't the first time Sasuke had done this, because they had found older cuts on his skin, and by skin, I mean not just his wrists or the rest of the insides of his arms. No wonder he was always fully clothed or wore wide wristbands, arm warmers and bandages. It wasn't just injuries from some fight. I think maybe the doctor had said too much to me, these sounded like things I shouldn't have found out about my assholish dormmate.

My hunch was right first in the morning when I woke with a kick start, literally. An already self-checked-out Sasuke had kicked me out of the corridor hospital bench in which I had slept with a to-the-point order to get up and get going, as well as a comment on my horrible appearance. Of course that made me snap at him and only when I noticed the bandages protruding from the sleeves of the shirt from the fresh batch of clothes I had hurriedly grabbed for him on the way to the hospital, I remembered why we were there in the first place. He ignored all of my questions about what could have led to the previous night and flatly retorted that nothing happened and I should forget everything, repeating that nobody should find out about it, if I didn't want him to make my life a living hell. Though I had no idea how in the world could I manage to simply just forget something so nerve-wrecking, I reluctantly agreed. I still tried asking him one more time if we couldn't at least tell Naruto so he could watch out for this thing not repeating itself, but Sasuke just shot me a deadly look and spoke of something that I never could have believed would come out of that bastard's mouth – he would tell everyone about my childish cow printed panties and how I tried to assault him in the bathroom if even a word about last night came out of my mouth. The nerve of that guy! So he had been completely conscious after all! He's officially perverted!emo!Sasuke, I call it!

So when we came back and walked down the hall, we still weren't speaking, never mind that we had to split a cab and we lived right next to eachother so we had to walk that distance pointedly avoiding one another. And when we were about to go inside our separate rooms and never speak of us being together ever again, this blonde nosy girl flung open her door, obviously pretending to be leaving for classes. She started chirping some greetings to emo Sasuke, but when she noticed my staring, she supposedly got angry and yelled some really messed up stuff about how I was trying to steal him away from her. I just tried to ignore the insane chick living opposite Naruto and Sasuke's room and got back inside, leaving her to bang on my door and continue yelling deranged obscenities. To tell you the truth she may not have been doing this without any reason what so ever because I was cranky and mad at emo boy and I might have probably said something offending to her before I retreated to my room. That's why it was my fault when the chick's door-banging woke my roomie Hina-chan and I had to apologize and make up some lame excuse about not coming back last night.

So that is when I started writing because I felt an oncoming of an anxiety attack, which if you don't know what it entails, you should look it up. I don't even care if you're just an e-diary and you can't look it up, Maru-kun, stop making excuses. The blonde deranged chick has stopped banging by now, Hina-chan is back to sleep and I have classes in an hour. Which means I still have time to write a bit more to clarify about the insane girl previously mentioned while I ignore the strangely familiar song that the bastard next door just started playing on his stupid overrated electric guitar. Ugh, I can't believe he'd cut his wrists and next morning first thing he does is jam with his injuries barely healed, that irresponsible persistent moron. And great, now I have to stop listening to Godsmack, because apparently he's playing them on his ridiculously expensive guitar, that show off. I hate him.

Anyway, right across the guys live a pair of girls, apparently former best friends as Hina-chan had once told me, both of which also from her former class. Apparently their superficial friendship ended the day they met Sasuke and it became an all-out war. Not that it wasn't already, he was popular enough as it was, even back then, especially because he was in some kind of stupid band. As luck would have it, the ex-friends ended up in the same dorm room and they're the other pair of residents whose yells and shrieks can be heard all the way down the hall, as they always argue about one thing or another, all of which always end up with the topic of who's better suited for their precious emo boy. The worst part is that the other girl, the one who's taken the whole crush thing the most seriously, has died her hair pink and in another ridiculous hairstyle similar to emo boy, although her choice of clothing reminds me of something between visual kei, Misa Amane's gothic Lolita style and Avril Lavigne in her punk rock days. She's somehow a smartass herself and she's ended up in Sasuke and Naruto's university group, meaning that she follows emo boy around most of the time, which is perfectly fine with Naruto, because she's the very same girl he gave his gakuran's second button to when he confessed to her at the end of middle school, which, in turn, she gave up to Hina-chan. Yes, she's acturally not that much of a bitch in reality, at least not to girls who don't like Dickhead. Naturally, the blonde dumbass was shot down and he's still coping with the rejection, although I'm not too sure that he's given up, since he sometimes still gets mad at emo boy for stealing his spotlight. But I have no intention of saying that to my roomie, she's just too sweet to bring down, and besides, I have faith that she'll someday win his love with her huge jugs!

As I was saying, you can guess that this description sounds awfully familiar to Sakura and the blond deranged chick is obviously Ino, but I'll get to her some other time, because I can hear Hina-chan starting to wake up again and I feel a bit embarrassed about writing such a stupid diary entry on my laptop. I should probably give this a password and hope nobody in this dorm is a programmer or hacker, not that they would care about my boring personal life but I guess it's not so boring anymore. Or actually I hope it continues being boring because I couldn't bear any repetitions of what happened last night.

Bye bye, Maru-kun the e-diary, I'm off to classes now.

With awkwardness and until my next anxiety attack,

Shizuka.

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**End of Entry**

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To anyone wondering, there's several Death Note references, a Code Geass one, a Chuunibyou one and several other ones about rock and metal culture.

Also, a gakuran is a male school uniform, usually black, equivalent to the girls' sailor outfit. The second button from the top of a male's uniform is often given away to a female he is in love with, and is considered a way of confession, because it's the one closest to the heart and is said to contain the emotions from all three years attendance at the school.

I must add that self-harm is not a thing to be commended and I strongly advise against it, although it's ultimately an individual choice. If it's disturbing you that I'm using it as a plot point, you're entitled to your opinion but I must remind you that if you don't like it, no one is making you read it. I'm writing about that because it adds to the realism and because I have a mild understanding of the subject, though not by first hand, and I want to treat that subject and overcome the stigma surrounding it. You might as well learn from what I wrote, either if you're the one suffering or if you someday become witness to it, because the first aid administered here is something which works in real life, you can look it up.

Thank you for reading! No, seriously, I commend anyone who got this far without cringing and if you even went as far as to be able to admit that you liked it, I regret to inform you that I am unable to send e-cookies.

You can review if you feel like it. I would be genuinely surprised if you did, but I would still appreciate it.


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